The Sentinels Satire
by Reese1
Summary: Shows what might have happened after Minmei caught the flowers at the end of Rick and Lisa's wedding.


WEDDING SCENE FOR RICK HUNTER AND LISA HAYES  
  
FADE IN:  
  
INT. THE SDF-3 HOLD  
  
We begin with a view of the large crowd of people attending the wedding of Rick Hunter and Lisa Hayes. As we see the faces of MAX STERLING, MIRIYA STERLING, DANA STERLING, BOWIE, VINCE, and JEAN GRANT, BREETAI, EXEDORE, T.R. EDWARDS,   
MINMEI, JANICE, and others, we hear Rick and Lisa exchanging their wedding vows.  
CLOSE on Rick kissing his bride. Everyone's CHEERING.  
  
LISA   
All you eligible single women  
get ready. I'm gonna throw the   
flower bouquet.  
  
ANGLE on Lynn Minmei jostling for position.  
  
MINMEI  
Damn all you bitches to hell. I'm  
going to catch that bouquet at all costs.  
I will NOT be an OLD MAID!  
  
Lisa throws the flowers into the crowd and Minmei runs like a football  
receiver catching a 'Hail Mary'. She holds out her arms to catch it.  
  
MINMEI  
I got it! I got it!  
  
Minmei catches the flowers. Everyone applauds and then proceeds to  
celebrate Rick and Lisa's marriage. Minmei trips over herself, falling  
headfirst into a garbage chute. There's a long SCREAM that fades away as  
Minmei falls down the long garbage chute tunnel. No one notices except  
Rick.  
  
CLOSE on Rick, with a sinister grin on his face.  
  
Janice is on the stage holding a microphone, getting ready to sing. She  
looks around the chamber in annoyance.  
  
JANICE  
Now where the hell is that ditzy  
airhead partner of mine? I'm sorry.   
We were gonna sing a song titled,  
"Together." Well... listen, folks,   
I'll fill you in on something. I'm   
really an android. A "synthetic."  
  
Shocked faces in the crowd.  
  
JANICE  
But I prefer the term "artificial  
person," myself.   
(chuckles)  
Ah, I see some disappointed faces  
among the men in this room.   
After all, I am a "pretty hot babe."   
Nevertheless, I am "fully functional  
and skilled with multiple  
techniques." You want some, honey?  
(winks at some guy in audience)  
...The point I want to make  
is that I am capable of singing  
both melody AND harmony AT THE  
SAME TIME, so you know what?   
We don't NEED Minmei!!!  
  
There's wild applause in the audience. The lights dim and we see two  
SPOTLIGHTS, one on Janice singing with two voices at once, the other on  
Rick and Lisa dancing.  
  
JANICE  
(singing)  
There's magic in the air tonight  
The moonlit stars are shining bright  
Your face glows in the candlelight  
It's all because tonight's the night...  
  
Rick and Lisa finish dancing as the song ends and head off toward the  
exit, waving at everyone as they retire for the evening. Somewhere,  
Karen Penn is eating a cake with her father and Dr. Emil Lang. She  
DROPS her fork on the floor.  
Jack Baker suddenly shows up and PICKS UP the fork for her.   
  
EMIL LANG  
Karen, this is Ensign Jack Baker.  
  
JACK  
(looking into Karen's eyes)  
I'm real handy with hardware.  
  
KAREN  
I'll keep that in mind.  
  
JACK  
And I'll keep YOU in mind. Want to   
dance the next number? We can do the  
lambada.  
(talking like Macho Man Randy Savage)  
Oh yeeeeahh.  
  
Jack turns to go. Karen pulls out a grenade.  
  
KAREN  
Why don't you keep THIS in  
mind, fly-boy?  
  
Karen grab's Jack's pants and stuffs the grenade down his underwear.  
  
The grenade goes off on Jack's ass with a loud BANG and the force of the  
explosion sends Jack flying clear across the room, screaming and eyes  
bugging.  
  
JACK  
Sheeeeeiiiiiiiittttt!!!!  
  
Max and Miriya, having their cake, turn to watch Jack flying across the  
room, a streak of flame coming out of his rear end.   
  
MIRIYA  
Wow, cool fireworks.  
  
MAX  
Oh man, you said "fireworks."  
Now you're getting me all   
horny again. Miriya darling,  
let's ditch this party and  
"set off some fireworks."  
  
MIRIYA  
Okay, Maximillian.  
With any luck, we'll probably  
have another child, and she'll be   
another protoculture freak like   
Dana. You think maybe we can get  
her hair not to turn yellow this time?  
  
Max and Miriya laugh as they exit the party.  
  
INT. THE GARBAGE DUMP - ONE DAY LATER  
  
Minmei is all dirty as she sits on a pile of garbage. Suddenly, a  
klaxon GOES OFF and a light TURNS RED. Minmei sees a sign on the wall.  
  
CLOSE on the wall which reads "GARBAGE AIRLOCK : OPENING OUTER DOOR"  
  
MINMEI  
No!   
  
INT. AIRLOCK CONTROL ROOM  
  
There is a man darkened in shadow at the controls. He pulls down a lever  
that reads "Open Inner Door." On a viewscreen, he watches Minmei  
screaming as she rapidly gets sucked into outer space. The man laughs  
diabolically and comes out of the shadow to reveal... Rick Hunter. He  
gives a thumbs up to the camera.  
  
RICK  
Rick Hunter saves the day!  
  
EXT. OUTER SPACE  
  
Colonel Jonathan Wolffe, returning from a patrol in his Alpha fighter,  
spots Minmei.   
  
CLOSE on Minmei gagging and eyes bugging out.  
  
WOLFFE  
Heh, it's that bitch  
Minmei! I better rescue her.  
  
INT. AIRLOCK CONTROL ROOM  
  
Rick looks at a viewscreen showing Wolffe's Alpha.  
  
RICK  
Oh no, he's going to RESCUE her!  
  
EXT. OUTER SPACE  
  
Minmei, still gagging, is grabbed by Wolffe's Alpha Fighter's hand and  
flown into the landing bay.  
  
INT. LANDING BAY  
  
Wolffe's Alpha fighter tosses Minmei down onto the landing bay floor.   
She bounces a couple times. Wolffe leaps out of his cockpit. Minmei  
continues to make choking noises.  
  
WOLFFE  
Yo babe, I'm Colonel Jonathan  
Wolffe. Wanna marry me?  
  
Minmei stops gagging from her first hand experience with vacuum and  
brightens up immediately.  
  
MINMEI  
Okay!  
  
INT. AIRLOCK CONTROL ROOM  
  
Rick hunter slaps his head, closing his eyes.  
  
RICK  
I can't believe it! He's going  
to MARRY her!!!  
  
INT. LANDING BAY  
  
Minmei and Wolffe are hugging and kissing.  
  
RICK  
(v.o.)  
Wolffe, get your freaking ass  
in that Alpha fighter and fly   
another patrol, you pussy ass mofo!  
  
Wolffe winces and looks helplessly at Minmei. Minmei looks like she's  
sulking again, as usual.  
  
WOLFFE  
Sorry, babe, duty calls.  
  
Wolffe climbs into his cockpit and gets ready to take off.  
He speaks into his external speakers.  
  
Minmei's POV - she's staring right into Wolffe's jet engines.  
  
WOLFFE  
(v.o.)  
Hey, babe, I'm taking off now!  
Get out of the way!  
  
MINMEI  
Whatever. You'll just fly off  
and leave me alone. Doesn't anyone  
love me anymore?  
  
Wolffe's Alpha's engines blaze to life and he takes off. Minmei is  
right smack in Wolffe's jet wash. By the time Wolffe leaves, Minmei is  
totally black, except for the whites of her eyes.  
  
MINMEI  
Ouch. Note to self: jet wash  
flame really fucking hurts!  
  
INT. AIRLOCK CONTROL ROOM  
  
Rick looks down at Minmei and shakes his head.  
  
RICK  
Stupid bitch! Grrr!!! Oh well.   
Guess I'd better get  
back to doing the "wild thing"   
with my sweetie.   
  
He walks out the door and turns off the light.  
  
FADE OUT 


End file.
